


i won't love you any less

by royalvoeu



Category: Produce X 101 - Fandom, UNIQ (Band), UP10TION
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Friendship/Love, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royalvoeu/pseuds/royalvoeu
Summary: Jinhyuk and Seungyoun, an embodiment of fiery youthfulness.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Jinhyuk, Cho Seungyoun | Seungyoun/Lee Jinhyuk
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	i won't love you any less

As far as Seungyoun could remember, Jinhyuk has always been his friend.

He didn’t know since when exactly, but he knew Jinhyuk has always been there, with him, in every memories of his life phases he could remember.

Seungyoun’s mother told him Jinhyuk came to this town to occupy the house next door when they were both six. Finding out they were the only boys of the same age around and the fact that Jinhyuk only had one younger sister made it easier for them to become friends.

And before Seungyoun knew it, they became that duo. Seungyoun and Jinhyuk, a pair that you would not see separated, the two tall boys you couldn’t possibly miss because they were always loud and proud. An embodiment of brash youthfulness, Jinhyuk’s mother once said.

─

“Seungyoun,”

Jinhyuk found Seungyoun easily amidst people spilling out of their school’s auditorium, busily yelling names trying to find the people they knew they wouldn’t see so often anymore now that their three years of high school have been over.

Forty five minutes of graduation ceremony passed just like that, with Seungyoun trying so hard not to doze off during their principal’s long speech, and Jinhyuk, sitting far from him—the teachers just decided it was best for them to be in different classes on their last year of high school for everyone’s convenience—mindlessly trying to catch his attention before a teacher came and smacked him on his head and told him to pay attention. Seungyoun didn’t miss that, of course, but he just decided not to give Jinhyuk the time of his life, considering it was the last day of them being high school students—a day that should be a little more special than usual days.

“Saw you getting smacked,” Seungyoun said.

Jinhyuk laughed in his usual easy and contagious laugh, putting his arm around Seungyoun’s shoulders. “The things I do for you,” said Jinhyuk nonchalantly.

“The things that I never ask,” Seungyoun rolled his eyes, which meant You’re weird but thanks. Jinhyuk’s smile didn’t falter a bit, which meant I know you didn’t mean it.

“So we passed another check point,” Jinhyuk made a mental check gesture on the air, referring to their inside joke about graduations being life’s check points. This was their third check points, after elementary and middle school graduation.

“Yeah.” Seungyoun hummed, nodding to few familiar faces who came to them to bid goodbye, saying they would miss them—Seungyoun and Jinhyuk—because they were always the life of the party. Jinhyuk hi-fived some of them, promising to stay in touch.

“Things will be so much more different from now on, though,” Jinhyuk’s smile turned to a slight frown, one that Seungyoun knew exactly like the back of his hand.

Seungyoun didn’t answer immediately, he was taking in the view of their friends of the same batch laughing, hugging each other good bye for probably the last of this time. Something felt like tugging on his heart, but he decided to put that behind. He knew he _had_ to put it behind.

“Yeah. Try to be a little bit more mindful from now on. You know I can’t be there for you anymore,” Seungyoun said slowly.

This time Jinhyuk’s frown turned deeper and he drew Seungyoun closer—something he always did out of habit (but that didn’t mean Seungyoun’s heart didn’t leap up on the touch). “You always say I won’t make it with this brain,”

Seungyoun snorted. “You know I only say that so you won’t get swayed and just continue studying.”

“I know. I was just teasing you,” The taller grinned, turning to look at Seungyoun with his laughing eyes, the eyes that were both joyous and gentle at the same time, and Seungyoun couldn’t help but felt a sudden dull ache in his chest.

He blinked, and returned the smile.

─

Jinhyuk’s entrance exam for a public college in the neighboring town was in two weeks after their graduation ceremony. Seungyoun, the better brain between them, has been kind enough to provide a free tutoring session for the past three months or so.

That day after graduation, Seungyoun sat cross-legged in front of Jinhyuk who has been giving him an offended look for a solid ten minutes because Seungyoun refused to take a break even just for a day. Jinhyuk muttered something along the line of _You’re such an evil why can’t I enjoy a day of being a high school graduate in peace before I’m back to this hell hole of studying_ and _I know you enjoy torturing me like this do you?_ , but Seungyoun paid no attention to him and continued giving him problems to solve.

Time passed awfully slowly for Jinhyuk that day, and when it was somewhere between twilight and dusk, Seungyoun finally decided Jinhyuk has studied enough—or using Jinhyuk’s words, has been tortured enough—and they were off for a walk to the beach before Seungyoun got back home.

“Twelve years, huh?”

“Eighteen years for me.” Seungyoun replied, ignoring the glare the taller gave him.

Jinhyuk stuffed his hands to his pockets, inhaling the fresh smell of the night breeze. His mind was busy remembering the first night he moved to this town, twelve years ago. A strange, small but friendly town, where everyone knew everyone, where it always got so quiet after eight in the evening, and a vast, comforting yet cold and threatening beach in a walking distance.

As far as Jinhyuk could remember, this place has always been a small town, one that Jinhyuk struggled a bit to adjust upon his first arrival, but one that Jinhyuk found comforting at the end because being here meant his mother didn’t have to work until late and his father stopped coming home angry. Things that never happened on the place where he lived before.

Seungyoun, born and raised here, was another reason.

“You fell there,” Seungyoun’s voice broke the silence, a playful smile tugged on his lips as he pointed at a slope few meters in front of them.

Jinhyuk snorted. “You won’t let me forget that, will you?”

The image of seven years old Jinhyuk fell down from his bike trying to match Seungyoun’s speed (whom Jinhyuk never knew has always been nimbler than him on his feet) remained funny until this day, and it wasn’t just for Seungyoun, but for their parents and Jinhyuk’s sister as well. It was like they made a pact not to forget that particular day Jinhyuk, one arm slung over Seungyoun’s shoulders, went home with bloody knees and cuts all over his face, trying his hardest not to cry. He did cry in the end, when Seungyoun’s mom treated his wounds.

“You got angry at me the day I turned eleven,” Jinhyuk said as they reached the beach. The sea looked cold, but he spared no hesitation and took off his shoes right away before sinking his feet where the sun must have shone so bright during the day because he could almost feel the familiar warmth of the sand.

“You thought my gift was childish,” Seungyoun grunted.

Jinhyuk laughed, walking ahead of Seungyoun before reaching out to lace his hand with Seungyoun’s, helping Seungyoun steadying himself while taking his own shoes.

“You almost got me drowned here,” This time Seungyoun sighed, clutching on his shoes on one hand.

“Not my fault you never told me you can’t swim when you’re born and raised in a town where everyone can,” Jinhyuk didn’t let go of Seungyoun’s hand, giving it a squeeze instead as he started walking to get to where the sand meets the sea.

Seungyoun tried his best to learn swimming until he was thirteen, but then decided swimming was just not for him when Jinhyuk almost got him drowned when they were fourteen. He never swam again, just sitting by the shore every time Jinhyuk wanted his company for a quick dip into the refreshing beach after a long week at school.

“I thought you’d be the first between us to date as soon as we got into high school,” Jinhyuk laughed. They reached the shore, and Jinhyuk took a big step closer to let the wave washed his feet, hands still clutching Seungyoun’s.

Seungyoun looked at him incredulously. “You were the reason why I couldn’t date.”

“Why?” Jinhyuk retorted sweetly, grinning at him. “Because everyone thought we were together?”

“And everyone thought I deserved better.” Seungyoun quipped, and the taller laughed again.

(It was a lie. Seungyoun knew everyone thought they were a matchmade in heaven.)

“I do like you though,” Jinhyuk whistled.

Seungyoun rolled his eyes without saying anything. Being friends for more than ten years gave Jinhyuk the hunch that the silence meant Seungyoun was mocking him, so he turned with his best frowning face, asking, “Don’t you like me too?”

“You wish,” Seungyoun snorted.

(It was another lie. Seungyoun liked Jinhyuk. _He always has_.)

“I know you do,” Jinhyuk let out a cheery laugh again, this time letting go of Seungyoun’s hand to walk further to the water, not bothering to cuff his jeans.

Seungyoun watched his back inching further, and that dull ache was back, twisting his insides into knots.

“Will you miss me when I’m gone?” Jinhyuk yelled from where he stood, splashing water with his feet and Seungyoun got reminded of the day they were both six years old—the day Seungyoun first took Jinhyuk to the beach.

“How are you so sure that you’ll get accepted?” Seungyoun walked closer, letting the cold wave washed his feet.

“You said I will, and I believe you.” Jinhyuk’s reply came easily.

Seungyoun felt something stuck in his throat.

“You will.” He finally said, and Jinhyuk’s smile grew wider.

“It’s a pity that you can’t go with me.”

Seungyoun has been accepted to a public college in the town. He could not, and would not leave his mother behind, no matter what.

“You already miss me that much?”

“How can I not?”

Seungyoun smiled, more to himself than to the friend he’s been spending almost every day with, since he was six.

The summer Seungyoun turned fifteen, Jinhyuk gifted him a three days-two nights trip to the neighboring town—the town where Jinhyuk would take a college entrance exam in two weeks. Jinhyuk went through a lot to convince Seungyoun that his mother would be okay alone for a while, and promised that his parents will help if his mother needed something. Said it would be fun, promised that Seungyoun wouldn’t regret anything.

Seungyoun really ended up not regretting anything.

Jinhyuk prepared a thorough itinerary and Seungyoun almost didn’t have to lift a finger to help. He brought him to infamous meal places reviewed by food bloggers, showed him tourist attraction sites and before Seungyoun knew it, his film camera was filled with their photos, and he didn’t mind at all.

The last night of their trip, in their shared room in a small simple inn Jinhyuk has reserved, Jinhyuk asked if he enjoyed the whole birthday trip. Seungyoun offered a sincere thank you, and Jinhyuk threw himself to Seungyoun’s bed with a loud joyous laugh, gleefully thanking God in heaven because Seungyoun liked it.

Seungyoun knew immediately in that exact moment the line that sat firmly between being friends and being in love with your friend has been crossed.

He realized it at that moment, when Jinhyuk was putting his arms around him giving a bone-crushing bear hug, hand patting his head softly, that he most likely has loved him from the very first day he saw him peeking from behind his mother’s back, big curious eyes and obvious frown lines visible. He realized at that moment, he couldn’t let go of this feeling, and he knew he wouldn’t want to.

But Seungyoun knew being in love with your friend, a best friend, was like walking on a tight rope. It was a journey full of uncertainties, and Seungyoun would never know when he would blow everything up and probably lose Jinhyuk.

So Seungyoun learned to stop getting way too flattered whenever Jinhyuk complimented him, to stop getting swayed whenever Jinhyuk told him I love yous recklessly, to stop feeling disappointed whenever Jinhyuk chose not to choose him.

But he still, couldn’t, and wouldn’t want to let go of the feeling.

“Will you be okay without me?” Jinhyuk asked.

Seungyoun squinted his eyes at him. “I’m not five.”

“I know. Just wondering what would you do if someone you don’t like try to hit on you again,”

“I’ll be fine,” said Seungyoun, because he should be. He would be.

Seungyoun knew Jinhyuk was the one saving him from that one upperclassman who insisted on hitting on Seungyoun, but Jinhyuk would be away from him in a matter of weeks—Seungyoun always knew Jinhyuk would make it—and there would be no one but himself to rely on to.

“If you say so,” Jinhyuk shrugged as he walked back to where Seungyoun has been standing the whole time. He was drenched from thighs to the legs, but his smile was as radiant as Seungyoun always remembered, like he was trying to beat the majestic sun above the sky.

“I’m really going to miss you, though,” said Jinhyuk, and Seungyoun felt like the whole air around him has been sucked to leave him grasping, breathless. Jinhyuk stared at him, the kind of stare that Seungyoun knew almost too well because he’s been on the receiving end of that stare for only God knows how many times. The kind of stare that made he felt like for once, Jinhyuk might understand him. His feeling.

“You’re my best, best, best friend in the whole world. I’ll brag about you wherever I go. If you can’t get a girlfriend here, I’ll get you one where I live next,” Jinhyuk hummed, a smile etched on his lips.

Seungyoun has always thought he would be ready when this time came. But nothing could really prepare him from the aching feeling making its way to his heart, eating him alive and stopping him from giving a level reply.

He gave up on the reply and lowered his head, smiled to himself. All Seungyoun wanted to tell Jinhyuk was _I don’t want anyone else but you._

But instead, Seungyoun just grinned and remained silent.


End file.
